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↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ- welcome ↶*ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊ-

hello & welcome to my neocities! yayyy!

you're a real lurker if you made it here.
i am not making music anymore, but I'm healing my relationship to my creativity in other ways :)

*UPDATE*!!!!!!!! Maybe I am making music again .........
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sending happy thoughts

✧do u fw my site???✧

yes

no

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

.•*•.•*•. here are some pics I've taken .•*•.•*•.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
digicam, film & opel touchflip phone camera.


``` ◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦ ```

Cell flash animation Current dumbphone I'm Using - unihertz jelly star! ☆。*。☆。

jellystar

Technically not a "dumbphone", but it's tiny enough to not absolutely suck you in the way that an iphone is. I love this phone bc it still gives me the functions I need like maps, being able to book a ride & scan qr codes, etc. & can see myself using this phone for many years to come. highly reccommend to anyone who wants to go dumbphone but has to rely on certain apps! I've been using it for months now and I have no need to go back!!


pros

super cute, aesthetically epic, very customizable, decent camera.

can use pretty much any app that's on the play store

cons

apparently fragile screen, so a screen protector is needed


Is doomscrolling a class indicator? Or is it more an indicator of collective apathy & burnout?

20/10/25

Honestly lately it’s been feeling like there’s a lot of cursed late stage capitalism shit going around, such as claims like “being able to not doomscroll is a class indicator” which I agree with to a point, given my lived experience of how difficult it is to rewire your brain when you don’t have access to resources such as mental health help, community, a life more interesting than online, etc. especially if you are in a place where it feels like the world is committed to misunderstanding you during prolonged crisis. I know it’s level 1000 difficult to break out of survival mode when your nervous system was born into it for generations.
But it seems as if people have just completely given up, and the brain harvesting machine has won. It’s sad, it’s eerie, and people aren’t even open to the conversation of it. If the narrative suits the comfort of victimhood, and enables people's dopamine addiction further, people are gonna wear & push that narrative. I believe pushing it like this is harmful. I do agree with the idea of it, but the way it’s being pushed for views & engagement over real discussion is self-righteous & kills hope for people to make the meaningful change which is so needed now more than ever.
I’m usually the first to lose hope & give up, and the fact I’m seeing so many other people lose hope like this scares me.

I do not wanna sobstory but I wanna express this is coming from a place of understanding & empathy. I’ve overcome deep addiction that was likely going to kill me, and every day I grieve my loved ones who couldn't win the battle too. I also understand choosing defeat. I have settled for being deeply overworked & underpaid. It’s emotional burnout from a vicious system that feels like there’s no use fighting. This is why I stopped having goals in life, which I’m hoping that maybe my attitude will change one day.

But we need to have these conversations, because imagining a future where we reclaim our minds, pull away from the scroll and the platforms that make us the product, reclaiming our power, healing the damage that has been done- is the only way to possibly make that change if at all.
"The goal of oppressors is to limit your imagination about what is possible without them, so you might never imagine more for yourself and the world you live in. Imagine something better. Get curious about what it actually takes to make it happen. Then fight for it every day.” -Ashley C. Ford

parappa

As someone who is no stranger to systematic struggle, please allow me to tell you that just because you're underresourced doesn't make you incapable of reclamation. (and sometimes our resources can be built if we make real meaningful effort to build community)
All you need is reason, commitment & openness to change.
My reason is anger to how our minds are being absolutely harvested to feed the greedy tech boys at the top.

Protect your beautiful brain, you can recover it with hard work & intention, even if you’re conditioned to believe you’re cooked. I used to be the worst doomscroller of all, I ran my stupid little shitpost pages & consumed as much slop as possible while I blasted my brain with nitrous in combination with a daily cocktail of various downers to escape facing the reality of this fucking dystopian world lol. And the traumas, grief, addiction & mental illness I never had the resources to heal alone, I was conditioned to believe, "what I thought will never matter, so why should I respect my thought?"
Voluntarily destroying my mind day by day became routine.
I still have a long way to go, but I have come a long way, and I didn't work this hard out of it to not fight for it to matter.
Don’t let your struggles decide your destiny. Because then the big buys win & we all continue to lose, just how they want us!

Remember, if you’re using scrolling to unwind after a day of constant survival mode, you’re perpetuating the cycle of your stress even more by doomscrolling. Your body may feel rested but your nervous system is working on overdrive when you’re taking in so much information.
When you doomscroll, your stress doesn’t go away. You’re just postponing facing the reality while replacing it with a nicer feeling stress. Being aware of this will help you break the cycle.
Once you allow yourself to feel the full fuckedupness of reality and allow yourself to properly feel your sacred rage & grief from it’s inside out, this is where meaningful change happens.
Return to the classics. Remember before all of this, people would take the classic depression nap. (Which your body actually needs if you're on overdrive constantly). Another classic is binging movies & long form content instead of sponsored fast-content with an agenda.
Free things you can do instead of doomscrolling (if you’re using it to cope):

I hope this post helps someone out there or inspires anyone to reclaim some time & energy, especially if you feel like it's not worth it. Trust me, it is. If I have any blind spots, I would love to expand the conversation, so please feel free to reach out!
Let your withdrawal from the scroll be a protest against capitalism & a reclamation of your time, hope & motivation. Dead internet is arriving, don't let your soul die with it.

Delete Instagram ❃ computer ❃